La milonga, traditional and otherwise

At a traditional milonga, the genders sit separately, the better to execute a "cabaseo," which is the Argentine way of asking a woman to dance. Eye contact is made. If it is held, she is interested, and a series of nods ensues. The gentleman rises. The lady does not, because she wants to be certain the nod was intended for her, and not for someone behind her. When it is clear that she is the intended, she rises, they embrace and dance.

When couples attend milongas and wish to dance with others, each sits separately, because a woman sitting with a man will not be asked to dance unless it is cleared with her partner. A "dance" is actually three or four songs, each about 3 minutes in length, and it is called a tanda. A "gracias" at the end of the tanda means you will return to your seat and wait for another partner.

The stars of the evening are the milongueros and milongueras, some of them quite advanced in years, who grew up in the barrios dancing tango. Each barrio had its own style, and milongueros tend to bear nicknames like Tete, Pupi, El Flaco, La Turca. It's almost as though they belonged to tango gangs. Leonard Bernstein shoulda been there.

A rule of thumb for a foreign woman here is that she always should accept a dance from an old guy. He might not have been a milonguero gang leader, but he usually knows his stuff. His lead is firm and his musicality nuanced. And by "old" I mean 80-plus, with apologies to any octogenarians who might be reading this and feel dissed.

Which brings me to the first of two lovely tango moments I've had lately, one as a participant, one as a voyeur. At a large and popular venue on Saturday night, a tiny man who looked like Jimmy Durante, was about 95 and had palsy, asked me to dance. The years and infirmity limited what he could do, but his lead was strong and musical. And his joy at still being able to get out there was contagious. (It was a special tanda; there is nothing like the realization that you could easily tip over your leader to help you stay on balance and connected!)

Milongas which attract the younger generation seem to be less rigid in their seating schemes and less dependent on the cabaseo. The young like to go to practicas -- dj'd practices -- where they can try out material and hang out. Hottest of these at the moment is Practica X. A large space, it was thronged and full of energy. This is where nuevo tango is practiced, sometimes with ravishing results. Nuevo tango is showier, and the the need for connection, musicality and grace is critical to make it look good. I danced a little, but mostly I just watched.

And, watching, I enjoyed my other lovely tango moment. A young couple was dancing. I didn't know who they were, but they were too skilled not to have been professional teachers and performers. She looked to be almost 9 months pregnant. She wore low-cut harem pants and a skimpy top so that her smooth, olive-skinned belly was fully exposed. Although in some cases professional dancing partners are not lovers, that clearly was not the situation here. This couple danced a sensual, intensely connected, gorgeous tango, at times his arm cradling her belly. It was moving, and so personal that at times I felt I should look away. But I was riveted. I thought about the child to come, the family to be made, and the anticipation so rapturously expressed in dance. Wow.